Mallinder Counselling
ADHD in women
Receiving a diagnosis
ADHD is more than a professional interest for me. It's personal. I was diagnosed later in life, after years of wondering why some things seemed so much harder for me than they appeared to be for other people. Receiving an ADHD diagnosis was a huge moment. In many ways, it allowed me to step away from years of shame and self-criticism. It gave me an explanation for experiences that had never quite made sense. It helped me understand that I wasn't lazy, disorganised, careless, or somehow failing.
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For a while, I thought ADHD would be the answer to everything. Instead, it opened up a whole new set of questions. I found myself looking back over my life through a different lens, re-examining old experiences, relationships and struggles.
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For much of my life, I couldn't understand why I seemed capable of extraordinary things one day and completely unable to function the next. There were times when I appeared to be "superwoman" – juggling huge workloads, solving complex problems, throwing myself wholeheartedly into projects and achieving things that surprised even me. Then there were times when I couldn't seem to do the things that everyone else found simple. Why could I write a detailed report but not remember to post a letter?
I often felt as though everyone else had been given a set of rules that I had somehow missed out on.
Finding counselling
The truth is that counselling saved my life. Not because it fixed me or because it made my ADHD disappear, but because it helped me understand myself.
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For the first time, I began to see patterns rather than moral failings. I started to recognise the impact that years of misunderstanding myself had had on my confidence, my relationships and my sense of identity. I realised that I had spent much of my life trying to become the person I thought I should be, rather than understanding the person I actually was. Counselling gave me space to explore that. It helped me develop self-compassion and understand the effects of masking, perfectionism, anxiety and the emotional impact of living with undiagnosed ADHD. Most importantly, it helped me feel more like myself.
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That experience is one of the reasons I became a counsellor.
Why I am interested in women with ADHD
I am particularly interested in the experiences of women who are undiagnosed, recently diagnosed or diagnosed later in life. When many people think about ADHD, they still picture a young boy who can't sit still in a classroom. What often gets overlooked are the girls and women whose ADHD looks quite different.
The girl who is constantly overthinking, talks too much, interrupts when she gets excited, or worries constantly. The girl who works twice as hard just to stay organised.
The woman who appears successful on the outside while feeling overwhelmed on the inside. The woman who is exhausted from masking. The woman who has spent years wondering why life seems harder than it appears to be for everyone else.
Many women grow up receiving messages that they are too much, too emotional, too sensitive, too loud, too forgetful, too disorganised, or simply not trying hard enough. Over time, these experiences can create deep feelings of shame and self-doubt.
For many women, the difficulties aren't just about ADHD itself. They're also about the emotional impact of living for years without understanding why they struggled.
I am also interested in the relationship between ADHD and perimenopause. For many women, this is the point where coping strategies that have worked for years suddenly stop working and symptoms become more noticeable.
I've also experienced counselling where expectations didn't always fit with how my brain worked. Remembering appointments, managing routines and committing to a process isn't always straightforward when you have ADHD. Because of this, I try to create a service that is understanding, flexible and ADHD-aware. My aim is to create an environment where clients feel supported rather than judged.
Reach out
Whether you are wondering if you might have ADHD, have recently been diagnosed, or are trying to make sense of a diagnosis received later in life, counselling can offer a space to explore your experiences without judgement.
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Get in touch
If any part of this story feels familiar, you're very welcome to get in touch.
